The Last Legion (*)

THE LAST LEGION

Even worse than expected, The Last Legion plays fast and loose not with actual history, but with the pseudo-history borrowed from other bad movies to create a patchwork quilt of bullshit. Follow along: In 480 AD, the last Caesar, a boy named Romulus Augustus Caesar (sure), watches Rome fall to the Goths, and is charged by his wizard mentor Ambrosinus, who it turns out is Merlin (of course), to find the sword forged for Julius Caesar, which turns out to be Excalibur (no kidding). Romulus, guarded by his loyal band of interchangable, stock Roman legionnaires and a hot Saracen chick, then head to Britannia to hang out at Hadrian's Wall and swipe from the King Arthur movie that came out a few years ago. All of that tripe can be swallowed if the movie were well-made and entertaining. The Last Legion has an abominable script with every character spouting blunt exposition and insipid one-liners, horrible direction, and schlock action edited so that you'll just have to take their word that whatever happened happened. The too-good for this cast, including Ben Kingsley, Colin Firth, and Kevin McKidd have good cause to fire their agents.