Smallville: Season 11 #14 - "Detective"

Last week launched a new episode with a teaser, so it's time once again to hear and see those beloved opening credits:



ROLL CALL:

SUPERMAN! LOIS LANE! LEX LUTHOR! OTIS! DAN "TERRIBLE" TURPIN! JEFF THE INTERN!

It's morning once again in the great metropolitan city of Metropolis and Otis reports for work at Lexcorp bright and early to find his boss Lex Luthor passed out at his desk. Lex never makes it up to his penthouse anymore; he stays up all night at his office laptop watching Superman porn - and not the good kind of Superman porn that happens with Lois in the Fortress (as we saw last issue). Lex's idea of Superman porn is watching his energy signature fly all around the city fighting crime and saving lives.

Lex isn't terribly thrilled to find himself woken up by Otis, which begs the question why Lex, who we know likes to be surrounded by hot ladies, hired this guy to be his executive assistant. Turns out, that's what Otis is, not just a hired oaf - Otis has the full rundown of Lex's day, including a meeting with a representative from WayneTech and a hot yoga class. But then, we find out, despite it all, Lex actually secretly sorta kinda likes Otis a little:

Aww. Get a room, you two. Lex then launches into a nefarious monologue about how much he doesn't trust Superman, or like Superman, or want to hug Superman (if only Lex knew, man. If only Lex knew...). Superman has gotten under his skin, though his super duper smart brain suspects that in his missing memories, Lex might have known Superman. Superman does behave like he knows Lex. There's certainly chemistry between the two, undeniable physical attraction... Okay, enough of that. Lex also points out since goosing Superman with the radioactive isotope that allows him to track the Man of Steel's movements, Superman's heroic activities have increased four hundred percent. Why, it's like Superman has nothing else to do anymore.

At the Daily Planet, Lois arrives via a blurred Superspeed WOOOOSH! back to her post in the basement bullpen to find the most pivotal new character in Smallville pontificating over her fiance, the currently on-leave Clark Kent.

Welcome Jeff the Intern to the Smallville canon. He already instantly has the one pivotal trait that'll help him last around here, and that's lovin' Clark Kent. What is it about Clark Kent that makes him so damned irresistible? Anyway, Lois is pretty nonchalant about all this Jeff weirdness; the weirdest thing at the Planet to her is how no one is in the office. All of the reporters are out on the streets covering every single thing Superman is doing during his 400% activity markup. I don't know about you but a daily newspaper where every single story is about Superman, to me, sounds... pretty awesome! Where do I subscribe to the Daily Planet?

Hey, I have a question: What's Superman doing right now?

Across town, the Metropolis Special Crimes Unit headed by Dan Turpin, a friend of Clark Kent whom Clark got on the straight and narrow when he rode along with the cops in a past TV episode, I believe, is dealing with a hostage situation. There's a school bus suspended high above the streets by a crane and some thugs wearing high tech teleportation vests are holding young children hostage. One child decides to get Super heroic, opens up his shirt to reveal a Superman logo underneath, and thinks he can zap one of the bad guys with heat vision. (Is that better than kids jumping off their roofs thinking they can fly? Not really.) Instead of getting his head blown off, the boy is saved by real heat vision melting the gun, and the real Superman ripping through the roof and hefting the bad guy into the sky. The rest of the thugs teleport away then reappear and open fire on the police.

Geez, Superman is indomitable and god-like. He's also kind of thoughtless - that ball of bullets he just lobbed at Turpin must be red hot. Not everyone is impervious to heat burns, Clark. All business, Superman interrogates the leader of the teleporters, who claims they didn't intend to hurt the children ("We ain't monsters!") but simply wanted to ransom them for money. Wait, whose kids are these that they were instantly able to get a presumably large sum wire transferred so quickly? Oh, by the way, there's a bomb on the crane so they are planning on killing the kids. Monsters. Superman doesn't seem concerned about the bomb at all. Instead he encases the thug in ice via Freeze Breath and uses his X-Ray vision to determine the manufacturer of their teleportation vests. Yep. Lexcorp.

So, we have illegal and dangerous technology on the streets of Metropolis too, just like there were in Gotham City. Speaking of...

And where is the Batman? He's at home, washing his tights! (Er, samurai suit).