Yesterday, for no particular reason except it was on Spike TV, I live tweeted Star Wars. (Episode IV: A New Hope, or, if you grew up in the 70's and 80's, just plain Star Wars.) The response was surprising and gratifying. Goofing on Star Wars garnered me about 40 new followers and dozens of retweets and responses, and they're still coming in. Who knew people liked Star Wars so much?
Here are the collected tweets, pithy to the last:
An easy way to ruin the beginning of @starwars Episode IV is when Darth Vader first appears, gasp "Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One!"
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
"They say Lord Vader has the most midi-chloreans of any Jedi or Sith." "I hear he's a deadbeat dad". - Stormtrooper gossip @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
C-3PO's memory was wiped at the end of Revenge of the Sith, but R2's wasn't. R2 withheld info from his best friend for 20 years. #asshole
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
At some point in the interim 20 years, the Storm Troopers must have been forced to drop their New Zealand accents by Imperial decree.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Obi-Wan Kenobi did a surprisingly sensational job hiding from the Empire for 20 years by simply changing his first name to Ben. @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Aunt Beru: "Luke has too much of his father in him." Uncle Owen: "Enough about how many midi-chloreans he has!" - deleted @starwars dialogue
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
When will there be a definitive chronicle released of the Rise and Fall of the First Galactic Empire from the Sand People's point of view?
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Ever notice Luke only gets knocked out off camera? We never see when the Sand People or the Wampa KO him. I think he just faints. #secret
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Han Solo was thrilled about the fee of 17 thousand credits to fly Obi-Wan and Luke to Alderaan. I wonder what 17K is inflation-adjusted now?
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Interesting fact: The very first @starwars toy I ever owned as a kid was a Greedo action figure. So, I kind of like Greedo shooting first.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Number of Harrison Ford Fingers of Doom in the added scene with Jabba the Hutt: 3. (Or 5 if Ford pointing to himself counts.) @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
And BOOM goes Alderaan. Darth Vader: The Galaxy's most unwitting participant in Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Never in the @starwars Trilogy do the three Skywalkers appear together in the same scene. It's like Lucas didn't know they were family...
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
What's great about this @starwars? Luke, Han and Leia didn't like each other upon meeting. No stilted prequel politeness. Non-stop arguing.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
"Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way?" "No reward is worth this!" Ugh, women. Why'd there even have to be one in @starwars?
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
An easy way to embarrass Obi-Wan and Vader when they fight on the Death Star is to show them holograms of what their last fight looked like.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Obi-Wan: "Ow! My back!" Vader: "Ow! My robot arms and legs and diminished lung capacity!" Together: "We're too old for this shit!" @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Obi-Wan: "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall haunt the son you're unaware of. Everywhere he goes! Even in the bathroom!"
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
When Vader struck Obi-Wan down, Obi-Wan's lightsaber and cloak remain. No cloak needed? I guess being a Force Ghost is climate controlled.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Look, I don't know how else to put this, but the Empire really should not have lost the Battle of Yavin. @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Mother/daughter comparison: Padme: 1) Fought/won Battle of Naboo 2) Fought in Battle of Geonosis 3) Pregnant, choked on Mustafar, died.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Leia: 4) Sidelined in Battle of Yavin 5) Captured on Bespin 6) Fought/won Battle of Endor. Padme also sex and marriage. Leia not so much.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
I have no idea who you are, @backofthehead, but your live tweeting Star Wars is cracking me up.
— Andrew Exum (@abumuqawama) November 25, 2012
@backofthehead Not really a fair reading on Leia. She also steals the Death Star plans, withstands Vader's torture, and directs evac of Hoth
— EM Simpson (@charlie_simpson) November 25, 2012
Leia's a good egg. She by far does the most of the Rebels without needing prodding by Force Ghosts/space frogs or the promise of being paid.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Special Special Edition edit request: Right when Luke blows up the Death Star he should say "Now THIS is podracing! ...Why did I say that?"
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Even better, Vader should also say, "Now THIS is podracing!" right before Han opens fire. Father and son should say it together. George?
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Vader, closing in on Luke... "Is that my old Artoo unit on that X-Wing? Nah. Next that fussy protocol droid I built will show up somehow..."
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
I love the medal ceremony at the end. By the way, it is utter bullshit we never see Lando's medal ceremony for blowing up Death Star 2.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
And Luke, bring back the yellow jacket you wore in the medal ceremony for #EpisodeVII. Black on black is pure Sith. #JediStyle @starwars
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
When Luke and Han received their medals as presided over by Princess Leia, little did they realize they were married under Yavin law.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
And hearty applause. There goes the best @starwars movie there ever was, until the one right after it, and then that's really it for best.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Special Edition Bonus: My (less popular) live Tweeting of the 90 minutes or so I caught of (the less popular) Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith:
Note I'm watching and live tweeting @starwars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. #ROTS Maybe I'll also hashtag Anakin's Good Hair Day #AGHD
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Padme Amidala - Jewish Nabooan Princess. (All right, all right. Technically she was a Queen, then a Senator. Not as funny.) #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Padme uses a "Reading a storybook to an infant" voice when she talks to Anakin. He puts on a "I'm trying not to Force rape you voice." #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Palpatine says spy on the Jedi. The Jedi say spy on Palpatine. Padme wants Palpatine to end the war. Anakin's a confused sand bumpkin. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Palpatine seducing Anakin at the space opera with the tale of Darth Plagueis couldn't be creepier if he fingered him under his robes. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Palpatine is clearly describing himself. Anakin is incapable of understanding innuendo or subtext. He must have a learning disability. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
A fond, kind farewell between Obi-Wan and Anakin. Next time they meet, Obi-Wan's like "What the fuck happened?! I left for a weekend!" #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Give Anakin props. In a thousands-year old Order of superpowered space virgin priests, he's the lone Jedi who's had unprotected sex. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 24, 2012
Palpatine spells it out that he's a Sith. Anakin to Mace Windu: "I think Chancellor Palpatine's a Sith Lord." #learningdisability #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Palpatine's entire long range scheme regarding Anakin is predicated on Anakin's gullibility and poor critical thinking skills. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
But then, Anakin was trained by group of magic space priests who couldn't sense a Sith Lord across the street from them for ten years. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Weird how Artoo hung out with Anakin while did all his murdering. No beep beep boop "So, boss, killed a lot of Jedi today, huh?" #Anakin
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Revenge of the Sith could also have been titled Do The Wrong Thing, a George Lucas joint. #ROTS
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
At the end of the day, the only thing I care about in @starwars VII, VIII and IX is: Will George Lucas cameo once again as Baron Papanoida?
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) November 25, 2012
Previous Star Wars collections:
Luke Skywalker vs. Wolverine
Hi, Want To Be A General?
I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm Here to Rescue You.
Star Wars essays:
Darth Incompetent
Luke and Leia
Movie Review:
The People Vs. George Lucas
Posts
